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even our plastic flowers had faded—
an overgrown garden of concrete and pottery,
wrought-iron furniture under the sunlight, paling—
a broken lawnmower in a rotting wood shed, a swingset
creaking with each gust of wind—

but she said—
let's gather up these old tin cans,
empty the pool of its stagnant memory,
relight the candles and mend this picnic table,
recall the laughter we shared here when
our summer was in bloom—

when mother wore that sky blue dress
and planted shiny pinwheels,
lazily spinning
with permission, i stole an unused hook from *xlntwtch's story, which you can find here: [link]

#7

also inspired by: [link]

:iconglory-be-project:
january 30th
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:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2013  Student Writer
Dear Jorge,

Stop being so incredible.
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:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013
i'll try :P
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:iconmattvoscinar:
MattVoscinar Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2013  Student Writer
Srsly. You're too good. 
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:iconcrossing-ariel:
crossing-ariel Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Really beautiful and sad. I like how you took the line and ran with it. This feels like the sort of stuff I've been dreaming lately.
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:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013
thank you so much!
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:iconcrossing-ariel:
crossing-ariel Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013
Very welcome.
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:iconalmcdermid:
almcdermid Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I really like the imagery, but I particularly the progression; the decay of the first stanza, the willingness to see things in a better light in second, leading to the brief memory in the third. Excellent work.

A couple editorial suggestions (which of course you're free to ignore): I think "THE rotting wood shed, THE swingset" would work better that "a" since you're obviously speaking of a specific place ("our plastic flowers," "the swimming pool"). And "the" is grammatically stronger in this case.

I think "stagnant memories" would be stronger than "stagnant memory".

Finally, I'd delete the "dizzy" and the comma after "spinning" and leave open-ended by having no punctuation.

Anyway, that's my take.
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:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
thank you for the suggestions! i agree with everything except changing the "a"s to "the"s b/c that was done intentionally to provide an emotionally detached tone w/ the original description of the area.
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:iconalmcdermid:
almcdermid Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Okay, I'm glad something was helpful. (Sorry for the delay in answering.)
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Student Writer
even our plastic flowers had faded
That could stand alone as a six-word story.
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:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
it was the prompt line x) i loved it.
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ah, I really love the images and sentiment here.
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:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
thank you!
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013   Writer
Yes, permission is needed to use the prose prompts, please. (And I'm a "she" :lol:)
If you put them in a journal, it'd have be after Jan. 31--probably about a week after.
That's when the prose prompt story was due, and there'll be only one reader deciding if a piece is good enough to accept at #ScreamPrompts. BUT if a poet asks for one "hook" and says where it's from, I'd consider it an honor.*glossolalias--you created a poem far better than I expected, but I should have known you would. Thank you. :+fav:
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
:heart:
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013   Writer
:hug:
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:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I have never seen this activity before - creating "hooks" and then writing from them. Should I put it up in Glory Be next time I update a journal? I think it's cool how he did prose and you did poetry with it...
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013   Writer
*I wish I could figure out if you can use all the "hooks" now in your journal.
I just don't know yet, and can't don't quite know how to find out, but I'll try.
Part of me is honored, and wants to say "hell, yes, do it!" and part of me wonders if the reader for #ScreamPrompts would consider it to be "too much."

Aww, fuck it.
Post it with a link to the prose and hooks. Just do it, but ask poets to let me know what they use, please.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013   Writer
A reply to you is above your comment. Thanks for your thoughts about this. It is kinda' cool, isn't it?
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:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013
it was a #ScreamPrompts prompt, so i think you'd have to ask permission there P: but it would definitely be cool for glorybe!
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013   Writer
I commented (briefly) on your poem above `vespera's comment.
For you: This is a beauty of little poem, taking readers from desolation to growth.
You have talent I wish I had when/if I try poetry. I could picture each line so easily and well. :+favlove:
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
thank you :heart:
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013   Writer
you're very welcome. :)
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